dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
