I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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