I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
