Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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