Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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