I wish my penis had an off switch
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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