I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Randomize
