I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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