Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
