I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
