Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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