i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Randomize
