Define "chronic" masturbator.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
