i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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