Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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