Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize