i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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