Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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