he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
