I am in a vortex of obligation.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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