You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
