seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
