the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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