I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
