i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
