What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
