I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
