i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
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