I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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