Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
