Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
