You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
home. puking in laundry basket.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize