Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
