no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
