Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
