it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
