awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
