the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
