i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
