ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
