If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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