You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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