thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
