Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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