I'm going to jail i love you
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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