You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
