Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
My Higher Power is John Stamos
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
