whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
