I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
