Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Come on in and take your pants off
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