"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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