So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
