Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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