Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
