:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
