We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Two words: blizzard sex
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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