They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize