What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
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