Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm just crazy horny about you
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize