I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
