god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Me too!
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
