Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize