my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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