A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
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