Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
