perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
