When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
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