Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize