I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
