The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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