I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
