Your face is a jimmy john
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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